That moment when the Orange Hydra flipped a table and rage quit a meeting of the US’ closest allies. And so, the once mighty G7 lost in all practicality another member, bumping it down to a measly G6.
There’s a lot to unpack following the botched G-”a number to be inserted pending global developments”-meeting that took place last week. Looming trade wars, suggesting the re-admittance of an excluded warmongerer, a crumbling collection of American states alienating themselves further from the international community, and the Orange Hydra distancing himself and his belligerent administration from a treaties dedicated to ensure stability and sustainability. Not to mention a name-calling tizzy fit between two neighbouring nations.
The Middle-east, a long-time subject to western involvement and destabilization, must be watching with glee. Because something’s cooking within the western world. For shit’s sake, this is how the Phantom Menace began.
But instead of joining the media hype, engrossing myself in the simmering animosity between the US and their once-upon allies, I want to try to be supportive. Constructive. For once. For to me, it’s about time that the Ulcered Sphincters of Arse-erica fell off it’s imaginary western throne.
So, I want to give advice as to what to do when you’re informal collection of major powers is looking a bit weak. When your roster is looking a bit thinner than usual, and you’re feeling the massive superpowers of old (Russia, the US, and China) loom above you. It is time to draft some new members!
And who better to give a seat to than your old commonwealth subjects; Africa.
Yes, I know that Africa isn’t a nation. But it just so happens that Africa has come together in a union similar to that of the EU. The African Union includes every country on the continent, has regular assemblies, and a signed aspiration declaration not dissimilar to that of the G7. Not that anyone, western or African alike, seems to give a shit about declarations of sustainable development. But technically it’s still there!
”Oh, you can’t give a flimsy continental union a seat at the G7!”, you say. Of course you fucking can! The European Union already holds not just one, but TWO seats at the G-”a number”! That’s on top of four out of seven nations being European already. And if there ever was a continental union that could be described as ”flimsy”, it sure is the European one.
”But the G7(previously G8) is a collection of the most powerful and developed economies in the world. African nations aren’t even close”, you keep whining with that particularly bitchy tone of voice you primarily use when you tell your spouse that you don’t want to go up to the Hampshire estate for the weekend, because you need to polish the phallic feline ornament on the top of the hood of your fancy fucking sports car. To you, I say, where do you think all that wealth came from? Where do you think the western markets draw their resources from?
Though exact numbers vary greatly depending on your source, according to the US Energy Information Administration 2017 survey (sporting some of the lowest available numbers on African oil production), African countries supply ten percent of the world’s oil. Reserves most of which are still untapped due to conflicts. Don’t like oil as a measure of wealth? Fair tokes! Africa as a continent is one of the world’s largest concentration of gold, diamond, aluminium ore, cobalt, copper, and all the other precious metals that we western cretins require for our IT revolution and technological development. Africa is rich. It has simply been restricted from utilizing its natural wealth.
The continent is rife with strife and instability. Sure. But what greater way is there to ensure the stabilization of a region than to involve them in the affairs of the ”big bois” of the world? Making them a partner in world affairs rather than a teet to be milked.
By giving the AU a G-”a number”-seat, you would strengthen the G-partnership, make it more economically relevant. Strengthen the prospect of sustainable development in one of the world’s most developing markets. And stand all the taller in the face of imperialistic aggression from the likes of China, Russia, and the Orange US.
/Sebastian Lindberg 12/6-2018
WastedWords 