“D’you know where the word Tory comes from?”, the Irishman asks me over a pint or five. “It’s an old Irish word, actually”, he continues, at least a little proud.
Knowing the Irish, and knowing their feelings toward the British, and the parliament in particular, I reckon a guess…
“Cheating cunts?”, the ask and grin, hoping to score myself a point or two with the old Irishman.
“Yes!”, he exclaims jovially. “Yes, exactly!”
I nearly choke on my beer. Snide remarks aside, I never really thought I was right.
“Well, actually, something along the line of money-grubbing thieves”, the Irishman admits, “from the gaelic ‘toruidhe’ or ‘toruighe’ or some such fucken thing… Cunts all the same though, ‘innit?”
I still can’t believe it. It seems too good to be true in a post-Brexit world, with dumbass after dumbass cartwheeling through 10 Downing Street like it was a revolving door, hell bent on fucking up the crumbling remnants of the Empire beyond all recognition. For if it ain’t the wicked witch Theresa May who wanted to re-introduce fox hunting of all the fucking things, it’s the bumbling dolt Boris Johnson, followed by the lightning round bitch queen Liz Truss. And that’s only over the course of the past six years. Vultures circling the body of dying post-Brexit England.
The description certainly felt apt. Too apt for reality. So I consigned myself to look it up.
Turns out that the etymology of the Tory brand isn’t even slightly secret. Harking back to the 16th century, referring to dispossessed Irish farmers turned Highwaymen, “toruidhe” or “toruighe”, meaning “to pursue” or “to hunt” turned into “mean motherfucker highway robber”. Once the British crushed the outlaw activity in Ireland, the term “tory” entered the English language as meaning “outlaw plunderer”, first used to degrade Catholics. Which was twisted into a badge of pride during the 17th century religious conflicts. The last time the word “Tory” meant anything other than the British Conservative Party, it meant something akin to “money-chasing plunderer”. Or, as my Irish friend would abbreviate it; “fucken cunts”.
So when the Tory prime minister mocks a Scottish MP for demanding a fairer parcel of British oil revenue, now you know. When the Tories drive the country out of the EU with a campaign of misinformation and deceit, now you know. When the dolt Boris runs up another long list of scandals, now you know. When you put a ballot in the box, addressed to the “money-grubbing plunderers”, now you will know that that is exactly what they are, exactly what it says on the tin, and exactly what you give them a license to do. Because the only difference between a political party and a band of highwaymen is that the political party needs your vote to rob you. And that’s exactly what you keep giving them. So don’t act so fucking shocked when they steal your life from under your feet. It’s right there in the name! “Cheating cunts”.
/Sebastian Lindberg 24/10-2022
WastedWords 