What is Done in Darkness

I would like to take a moment out of the regularly scheduled broadcasting to send a little message to the US Americans in the world. We out here in the rest of the world keep being reminded of your self-vaunted perspective as the bastion of freedom and democracy, but permit me if you will to let you in on a little secret…

You’re not.

Last week, the Orange Administration finally put a lid on the White House press corp, by revoking nearly all press passes under ridiculous new requirements. Those that yet retain their passes have reportedly done so as exceptions made by Orange Administration press secretary and wilful puppet Sarah Sanders.

I say finally, because truth be told, this has been brewing for over two years. With the Orange Tyrant branding journalism as a public enemy, just like any burgeoning despot would. It’s just that the very idea of a press pass, of a vetted pair of eyes that are uniquely privileged to look beyond the curtain, is not a very democratic idea…

Imagine, if you will, a democracy where the government, and the ruling regime, were unconditionally and constitutionally required to let anyone in. To let anyone listen and see, and let anyone interact with the way that the government was being run. We hear that the Orange Hydra refuses to let Congress see his tax returns. Imagine if you can, a democracy where it wouldn’t be in his power to deny the population such a thing. Where tax returns were available to the public. Listen to your Democratic Speaker of the House Pelosi excuse her requests for reports and documentation (the latest of which being the Mueller report) by expressing sympathy for the government agencies and organizations that are loathe to let the public see their works. Because it would, and I para-phrase because such a passing remark of note doesn’t even seem to make American journalism bat an eye, ‘interfere with them doing their jobs’. Imagine then a democracy where government agencies are obligated to do their job out in the open. For anyone, Congressperson or civilian alike, to take part of.

This imagery that I have asked you to conjure up is what an open society looks like.

A pipe-dream, you say? You may claim that any functioning government can’t work under complete transparency? Well, what if I told you that the Scandinavian nations, and some seventy other countries, have constitutions and laws much to that effect? What if I told you that most western democracies do not allow their government agencies to work in the darkness? What if I told you that you’re doing it wrong?

Well, obviously, you’d probably go off on some nationalistic tangent, trying to beat your dead horse Lady Columbia. Perhaps some of you would sadly shake your heads and lament how far your nation has fallen. Because to us, we on the other side of the Atlantic, that look upon your behaviour and policies, you don’t look like much of a democracy at all.

True, most of these public principle laws that govern how many European democracies function, have caveats. In my native Sweden, of which laws I’m most familiar, the constitution details a number of exempts. For example, in the case of the security of the nation. Or in the case of information that could damage any private person, like medical or social services records. But even then, the records themselves are never sealed. Only tid-bits of information in those documents. I can, as a citizen, on any given day, walk into just about any government agency, and demand to see their records.

When we, your former European allies in democracy, look upon your leaders’ excuses for keeping the workings of your government in the dark, we do not see a bastion of freedom. We see a dystopian farce. For in our eyes, a democracy cannot function, cannot exist, when the government works in darkness. Away from the knowledge and insight of the general population.

For what you’re doing, dear sweet America, is criminalize transparency. Where you let your Orange Despot dictate who can and cannot be around to see his works. Where your justice department, the very foundation of law and order, hide incriminatory materials away from your eyes. Where daring people go to jail and are defamed for having the guts to show you what your government is doing when you’re not looking.

What I’m trying to say is this, America: You’ve lost sight of what a democracy is. For what is done in darkness is in its essence undemocratic. Which would be fine if only you kept your trail of shit in your own home. But you don’t. You make all the dark workings of your megalomanic government become our problem.

So, clean your house. It stinks the neighbourhood up. That which your government has hidden away in the back of all those locked closets are shit-factories. And all that gunk is your job to clean out. Get back to being a proper democracy. And go get your shit together.

/Sebastian Lindberg 14/5-2019

Filling out the Roster

That moment when the Orange Hydra flipped a table and rage quit a meeting of the US’ closest allies. And so, the once mighty G7 lost in all practicality another member, bumping it down to a measly G6.

There’s a lot to unpack following the botched G-”a number to be inserted pending global developments”-meeting that took place last week. Looming trade wars, suggesting the re-admittance of an excluded warmongerer, a crumbling collection of American states alienating themselves further from the international community, and the Orange Hydra distancing himself and his belligerent administration from a treaties dedicated to ensure stability and sustainability. Not to mention a name-calling tizzy fit between two neighbouring nations.

The Middle-east, a long-time subject to western involvement and destabilization, must be watching with glee. Because something’s cooking within the western world. For shit’s sake, this is how the Phantom Menace began.

But instead of joining the media hype, engrossing myself in the simmering animosity between the US and their once-upon allies, I want to try to be supportive. Constructive. For once. For to me, it’s about time that the Ulcered Sphincters of Arse-erica fell off it’s imaginary western throne.

So, I want to give advice as to what to do when you’re informal collection of major powers is looking a bit weak. When your roster is looking a bit thinner than usual, and you’re feeling the massive superpowers of old (Russia, the US, and China) loom above you. It is time to draft some new members!

And who better to give a seat to than your old commonwealth subjects; Africa.

Yes, I know that Africa isn’t a nation. But it just so happens that Africa has come together in a union similar to that of the EU. The African Union includes every country on the continent, has regular assemblies, and a signed aspiration declaration not dissimilar to that of the G7. Not that anyone, western or African alike, seems to give a shit about declarations of sustainable development. But technically it’s still there!

”Oh, you can’t give a flimsy continental union a seat at the G7!”, you say. Of course you fucking can! The European Union already holds not just one, but TWO seats at the G-”a number”! That’s on top of four out of seven nations being European already. And if there ever was a continental union that could be described as ”flimsy”, it sure is the European one.

”But the G7(previously G8) is a collection of the most powerful and developed economies in the world. African nations aren’t even close”, you keep whining with that particularly bitchy tone of voice you primarily use when you tell your spouse that you don’t want to go up to the Hampshire estate for the weekend, because you need to polish the phallic feline ornament on the top of the hood of your fancy fucking sports car. To you, I say, where do you think all that wealth came from? Where do you think the western markets draw their resources from?

Though exact numbers vary greatly depending on your source, according to the US Energy Information Administration 2017 survey (sporting some of the lowest available numbers on African oil production), African countries supply ten percent of the world’s oil. Reserves most of which are still untapped due to conflicts. Don’t like oil as a measure of wealth? Fair tokes! Africa as a continent is one of the world’s largest concentration of gold, diamond, aluminium ore, cobalt, copper, and all the other precious metals that we western cretins require for our IT revolution and technological development. Africa is rich. It has simply been restricted from utilizing its natural wealth.

The continent is rife with strife and instability. Sure. But what greater way is there to ensure the stabilization of a region than to involve them in the affairs of the ”big bois” of the world? Making them a partner in world affairs rather than a teet to be milked.

By giving the AU a G-”a number”-seat, you would strengthen the G-partnership, make it more economically relevant. Strengthen the prospect of sustainable development in one of the world’s most developing markets. And stand all the taller in the face of imperialistic aggression from the likes of China, Russia, and the Orange US.

/Sebastian Lindberg 12/6-2018

The Iranian Disconnection

It’s no surprise, really. That the Orange Hydra finally ripped up the crowning foreign policy achievement of the previous administration: The sort-of-denuclearization deal with Iran.

The Orange monster and his henchmen have been pretty vocal in trying to pin Iran as their nemesis and bogeyman from the start. Putting Mattis at the head of the nation’s armed forces set the stage for a confrontational mandate period. Current National Security Advisor Bolton is known to lobby for a group of revolutionary exiles, Islamic Marxists by description, that want to go off and tear down the current Iranian regime. The US administration set their war target a long time ago. Sometime during the hectic phase of the American reality TV-show, colloquially referred to as an “election”. This twist isn’t of Shyamalan proportions, surprising absolutely fuck all.

But ripping apart the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA) turned out to not be all about amping up a confrontation with Iran.

Shortly after the Orange Hydra declared that the US would arrest their obligations to the deal, a press briefing was held with two senior state department officials. To put a bit more meat on the bones of the Hydra’s “Nuh-uh!”. The journalists present were quick to ask if the US had, at all, conferred with their allies and the other parties that had signed the JCPOA. The answer was a resounding “no”. Of course they hadn’t checked to see if the Europeans, for example, would follow suit (now in hind-sight, we know that Europe by and large have vowed to stick to their JCPOA commitments). Asking for cooperation, instead of demanding it, isn’t the American Way.

Another journalist noted that the US don’t have any trade agreements of their own, private or otherwise, with the Iranians. They asked if the reimplementation of economic sanctions were primarily intended to target allied state interests. The state department officials confirmed without hesitation. They called them “secondary” sanctions. In short; the re-established economic sanctions against Iran are intended to bully foreign nation states and companies to withdraw from the country within a six month window, depending on investment sectors. To see who’s loyal to the American Empire, and who’s not. Who values American friendship more than the weight of their word. Intended to separate the chaff from the wheat.

We’ve seen this behaviour before, especially from the current self-esteem deficient US administration. That they bully and browbeat their would-be allies just as much as their enemies. Targetting friend and foe alike in a new wave of American Exceptionalism. Spewing vitriol any which way as they madly jack off their diseased member.

Fuck ’em. Let them build their walls. Let them shit all over every extended hand. Let them isolate themselves in their ivory tower. That marbled monstrosity of flagrant excess, sinking into their corn syrup infused mire of aggressive unintellectualism.

Because with “friends” like these, who needs enemies?

/Sebastian Lindberg 15/5-2018

The Rally ‘Round the Flag Syndrome

The drums of global war are sounding again. Again.

No longer very great Britain have made the call to bomb the Syrian Assad regime. The Orange Hydra administration is tagging along, and are itching to send troops. Putin’s Russia are eager to defend their Assad ally from American attack.

Why now? What’s new? You don’t just go break the “in-case-of-emergency-need-for-WW3”-glass without good reason, right? Well, supposedly, Wicked Witch May and the Orange Hydra have had enough of Assad using chemical weapons against his domestic opponents.

But that’s not news…

Since the Arab Spring sent Syria into civil war in 2011, there have been 73 reported chemical weapon attacks in the conflict. There have been U.N. investigations, a Syrian Army disarmament program, and still these chemical attacks keep happening. Governments and the U.N. have reported both rebels and government forces using mustard, chlorine, and sarin gas. And we can only assume that there have been at least a dozen or so such attacks done unto IS-forces, though no record or complaint of such have surfaced with the international community (go figure).

There are chemical weapons being used in the Syrian civil war. There have been from the start. All sides seem to be using them, even if they were initially stockpiled by the Syrian government. Even the Turks and Kurds have been accused of using them.

So why does May and the Orange Hydra care all of a sudden?

Because foreign intervention wars can be great for domestic approval ratings. As long as you can excuse them on, for example, WMDs or chemical weapons. And the US hasn’t had a good offensive, full scale war since they trundled into Iraq. The second time. That’s 15 years ago now.

It is a commonly known theory among political scientists that a well managed foreign war can be great for domestic approval ratings, referred to as the “rally ’round the flag”-syndrome. Both May and the Orange Hydra can feel their administrations sinking. They’d have to by now. And desperate times call for desperate measures. Sending people to die in a foreign war is just the sort of gamble that might be the last one available to either of them. And you can be sure that Putin’s not going to let Trump trump all over one of his allies or miss the chance to trump the US.

After seven years of civil war, it looks like the Syrian conflict might escalate rather than not. Finally attracting the participation of failing superpowers. Not for oil. Not for chemical weapons. But because of a desperate need for red herrings to distract from their utter failures to manage their own states.

/Sebastian Lindberg 14/4-2018

Another War to End All Wars

A nuclear war is gathering strength like a storm over the Pacific Ocean.

But you know this. You’re intelligent-ish people. You follow the news, sort of. And, technically, nuclear war has loomed over the Pacific Ocean since people invented that kind of warfare. But, granted, tensions have reached a new pinnacle. Supposedly, it hasn’t been this bad since the Cuba crisis. Which is usually what happens when you turn away and try to ignore a carpet fire. Shit escalates.

It kind of pisses me off how surprised people seem. Every damn time that North Korea (technically the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, but three quarters of that is probably bullshit) has test-fired missiles, everyone seems just as surprised as the last time they did. Even though war-head tests on the northern part of the Korean peninsula have been escalating for decades.

Because seriously, what did you expect would happen when baby Kim and the Orange Hydra shared a world stage? That they’d become the bestest of buddies? That the Orange Hydra would suddenly learn humility and diplomacy as soon as he encountered the unicorn-riding Korean dictator? If you couldn’t imagine this development an election ago, you’re an idiot.

Intermittently, North Korea has had some semblance of grudging respect for elements of the US, and even then they haven’t slowed down their nuclear program. Back in 2009, daddy Kim snatched two Americans from the South Korean side of the border just to lure Bill Clinton out of retirement and into a meeting. Maybe the US should have taken greater advantage of that get-together. Alternatively, diplomatic effort should have been exerted back in 2011 when baby Kim came to power. And even that opportunity might have been too little too late. Daddy Kim had already started the nation down this road. Maybe this escalation could only have been stopped if the yanks would have “gone all the way”, as the dear Bush put it, back in the 50’s.

People are split. People are worried and concerned. Some still want to try for a diplomatic solution, while some just want to bomb North Korea into oblivion. Y’know, like the US usually does with a foreign problem. Even the warmonger Secretary of Defence, James Mattis, seems apprehensive about a war with North Korea. Probably because it puts a dent in his plans to start a war with Iran, but still – he seems concerned.

War sucks. Thermonuclear war even more so. Maybe it’ll suck so hard if it comes now, that nothing will ever suck again. But escalation escalates, and there has as of yet been no sign that North Korea will grow out of this flippant attitude toward lobbing warheads. And we all know that the Orange Hydra won’t back down. Barring some sort of “deus ex machina”-like intervention, such as a Franco/Rogen comedic tag-team sent to either Washington or Pyongyang to incite domestic rebellion, Another War to End All Wars between two of the most asshatted (adjective, not verb) nuclear nations to date seems inevitable. Maybe China should take some responsibility for their unruly child. Maybe they should clean up their own back yard. Maybe the UN should do what they were created to do, and mobilize against global gangsters trying to hold the world hostage with nukes. Or maybe the US electorate should just nut up and oust their twat-in-chief from office before hellfire starts raining. Because the longer the world waits for a miracle, the greater the North Korean arsenal will grow, no matter how effective it in actuality is. If this tussle has to happen, better for mankind that it happens sooner rather than later.

Because I may not be a diplomat or general, but I know one thing. All bullies have at least one thing in common. When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. And the only language that a bully understands from its victim is the violent melody of a smack-down.

/Sebastian Lindberg 15/8-2017

Hail to the Twat

Trump’s a twat.

There’s no point trying to iterate all the cock-juggling being performed at the Oval Office. I will simply assume that you’re one of us, looking on in an abject horror that’s twisted into some form of incredulous amusement, rather than the dwindling few that still desperately defend their choice of commander-in-chief. You should, by now, be well aware of the travesty that should henceforth be known as the Orange House.

So let us instead talk a little of what we should do about the resident pussy grabber. And for us to do so, we’re first going to have to understand how things came to this.

Pretty much every pundit and opinionated fuck-wad on and off the public stage has an opinion (or fifteen) as to why it’s now the Orange House. One of the arguments I find most amusing is Jonathan Pie’s. That liberals have, in the wake of a won cultural war, discarded their ability to constructively argue. My own pet theory is that the twat-in-chief is actually a ringer, inserted into the presidential race by the democrats to destabilize the republicans. Which he did. Aptly. Too well, in fact.

But the creepiest argument came from an Al Jazeera documentary, detailing how a piece-of-shit reality show gave new wings to a had-been failure of a New York businessman. And how the same rules of televised reality were turned and twisted into the charade of an election.

In true oxymoronic fashion, the twat-in-chief has used the same rules of reality television to start a disinformation-war against the media and science. I’m not a religious man, but considering that the very fabric of our understanding of reality is at stake, I’d argue that this war is as “holy” as any we’ve seen.

But how do you win a war against a foe that seems to behave like a mythological hydra? For every argument we counter, two new ones pop up. Two new arguments that are even more ridiculous and retarded than the first. How do you slay such a reality-ripping monster?

I’m sure that sociologists and political scientists could fashion for us a lance that could pierce that scaly hide, but my solution is a simpler one. You stop fighting on the beast’s terms.

The Orange Hydra thrives on the attention we give it. It swells and bloats with every controversy it creates. Every time we mention it, it grows stronger. Like Beetlejuice on steroids. And nothing we say in vain countermeasure even makes a dent. It just runs off the behemoth like water off a duck. And thus, what we must do to defeat it is to stop empowering it. Stop recognizing it. Stop feeding mid. Stop granting the creature the attention that it thrives on. Stop playing the monster’s own game.

We don’t really have to pay any attention to the twat-in-chief to keep track on what’s happening in the US. We don’t really even have to mention his name. The media can easily report on any important developments by focusing on the Senate. Or quite simply referring to it as “The Administration”, or “the Orange House”. We can perfectly keep track of national events in other countries without invoking the name of the leadership. Why can’t we do the same with the US? I mean, the twat-in-chief isn’t really giving the media (or the public) any relevant exchange of words anyway. Pay the favour back and ignore the insolent shit.

Generally, I would not support a strategy that can be construed as burying our heads in the sand. It’s most often a shit attitude and a shittier approach. But I want to argue that this is a special case. We’re dealing with a creature who’s only real talent is controlling the narrative. And he does this with parlour tricks. Games and power-plays designed to obfuscate and confuse. The “President” is the Wizard of Oz, and what you need to do is ignore him and pay attention to the government behind the curtain. Not the bumbling buffoon being broadcast with smoke and mirrors.

Don’t try and cut off the heads of the Hydra. It sorta didn’t work for Hercules. Sure as shit won’t work for you. Starve the fucker!

/Sebastian Lindberg 23/5-2017